"Zen" Humor

These are a bunch of silly, funny, smart-aleck statements. I read them when I need a laugh. Hope you enjoy them, too.

Zen Humor
 
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me alone.
 
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.
 
3. It’s always darkest before dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.
 
4. Don’t be irreplaceable. If you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.
 
5. Always remember that you’re unique. Just like everyone else.
 
6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
 
7. If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
 
8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have
their shoes.
 
9. If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
 
10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
 
11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
 
12. If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.
 
13. Some days you’re the bug; some days you’re the windshield.
 
14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
 
15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
 
16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
 
17. Duct tape is like ‘The Force’. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
 
18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
 
19. Generally speaking, you aren’t learning much when your lips are moving.
 
20. Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
 
 

It’s All An Illusion Anyway

Today I joined my mom, three sisters and nephew for lunch and to enjoy part of the long weekend together. Family outings are always interesting because, for as much as you have changed, shifted and transformed, you can still count on your family to show you just how much you can get sucked back into old patterns and behaviors. Someone of importance once said something like, “If you think you have become enlightened spend a week with your family and then revisit that thought.”

He/She didn’t lie.

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Laughter is Contagious

I have always preferred to watch funny movies and TV shows. I feel so much better when I get a chance to laugh. My energy lightes up and I am refreshed comp;letely. I forget all my cares when laughing.

Laughter heals us and puts us into an altered state. It can change our body chemistry and remove toxins caused by stress. Lucky for us, it is contagious.

I hope you catch the laughter bug as you watch this. You an also follow links from it to other laughter.

Enjoy!!

Keep laughing!

Victoria

Text Copyright © 2009 by Victoria Young

The Game Of Negativity

The Game Of Negativity — “It’s what you are taught to become!”

For all ages

RULES OF PLAY

You can play 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 52 weeks a year as long as you desire.

OBJECTIVE

To help you and your loved ones to greatly suffer through life. 

SUPPORT LINES

To assist you to play this non-stop never ending game you have some support lines:

Phone a friend – your friend will let you complain, gossip and help you NOT solve your dilemmas because they are stuck in the Game of Negativity too!

Poll the news and media outlets – the news will allow you see the world as place of doom and gloom and supports your theory that nothing will ever get better!

Guilt/Blame/Judgment/Self Punishment (50-50) – which choice will make me feel better about myself today?   

HEY, CHUCK WHAT DO WE WIN? Continue reading