One of my favorite quotes, attributed to Swami Muktananda, says we need to keep forgiving until we realize there is nothing to forgive. Over the years since I heard it I have come to grok it on different levels and from different points of view.
Obviously, if you accept the notion that you create your reality — all of it — no exceptions — then it makes no sense at all to blame someone else for anything in your life. If you create it all, even what someone else does in your life that affects you was created (or attracted) by you. So, if you are feeling like a victim of someone’s deeds, start out by forgiving them. Keep forgiving them until you realize it is all your creation and no forgiveness is required.
Some people, when they move toward accepting their mighty power of creation get caught up in the idea that they are to blame for their lot in life. Perhaps they’ve stopped blaming others in favor of heaping blame upon themselves. So once again, the exercise is to keep forgiving yourself as a practice of being gentle and compassionate with yourself while you slowly learn that you’ve done nothing wrong. You only did what you did as part of testing your theories and beliefs in the laboratory of life.
The things you did were great lessons, especially the things you do not like to recall. Those actions have taught you what the energies of fear, anger, desperation, poverty mentality, jealousy, guilt, etc., felt like. You learned that you do not like to harbor those energies. Over time you have learned that you prefer the energies of love, hope, trust, compassion, happiness, joy, and laughter. You could not have learned that without experiencing those negative things you did not like.
Rather than blaming yourself, you begin to appreciate the “errors” because they have grown you into who you are today. If you are reading this, you are likely on the path of self-awareness, learning who you really are. Most of us find this path because we become disenchanted with the dominant paradigm. It is a paradigm of cause and effect, perpetrator and victim, benefactor and beneficiary. One and the other. The other is separation — an other that can cause you joy or suffering. In reality, there is no other — only the self. Only Source, partially condensed down into what appears to be lots of different beings and things.
All of the things you tried and did not like, all of the things you were “unsuccessful” at, all of the things that left you unsatisfied, were ways in which you learned more about what you want in the reflection of what you do not want. Those unpleasant experiences helped to steer you toward the pleasant. Clearly, if they benefitted you by guiding you toward the preferable, then they are nothing to feel guilty for or blame yourself for. No apology needed. There was nothing to forgive.
When we learn to let go of blaming ourselves through forgiving until we finally realize there is nothing to forgive, we free a massive portion of our energy to go forward happily. We can stop expending energy to feel guilty, we can stop expending energy to blame ourselves (or others), we can stop spending energy to weave our defensive stories of justification. We can stop spending energy to atone or prove worthiness. All of that energy becomes available to use for our benefit, for our growth, for our greater good.
Keep forgiving until you realize there was nothing to forgive!
Copyright © 2009 by Victoria Young